


Back to Solid Ground

by stylesoftheshire



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-12
Updated: 2013-02-12
Packaged: 2017-11-29 02:26:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/681662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stylesoftheshire/pseuds/stylesoftheshire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis has saved Harry's life three times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back to Solid Ground

The first was simple enough and is probably the only time Louis is aware of.

It was back in the days of X Factor and the five of them were taking a trip down to the local Sainsbury’s. They were feeling invincible and were too busy joking and shoving each other to really be paying attention to what was going on around them. Harry was laughing loudly at something Niall had just said, throwing his head back and scrunching up his eyes just as he was about to step off of the pavement.

All of a sudden, a pair of arms circled his waist tightly and yanked him back away from the road. He stumbled back into the warm body and watched as a land rover sped past him, heart thudding at how close he had been to getting knocked down. The other boys were silent, shocked, except for the one who still held Harry protectively to his chest.

‘For fuck’s sake, Harry! Look where you’re fucking going else you’re going to get yourself killed!’

Harry turned shakily in the vice-like grip and came face to face with Louis who was looking at him wide-eyed and pale.

‘S-sorry,’ he stuttered, worried that Louis was angry with him. He couldn’t imagine anything worse.

Louis’ face softened and he loosened his hold slightly, but still kept Harry close to him.

‘Just be careful, yeah?’

Harry nodded. The other boys were already walking away.

‘Sorry, Lou,’ he mumbled.

Louis smiled at him, his fringe falling into his eyes.

‘You better be, Curly,’ he whispered. ‘I don’t want to lose you.’  
-  
The second was when Harry scared himself for the first time.

They were at rehearsals for a show and Harry was taking an unplanned break, locked in the toilet. It wasn’t that they weren’t going well, but everything had sort of come to a head when it was announced that they were putting on an extra show that week.

It was to be on a day which Harry had planned to spend lazing around the flat, enjoying the free time that rarely came to them. He didn’t know why, but he really felt like if he didn’t get that day to himself then he would go crazy.

It felt like he was always on the go and, when he wasn’t, there were fans screaming at him to do something, anything to keep them satisfied. If they weren’t satisfied, then Harry had no doubt that they would let him know.

Before One Direction, he thought fans constantly sung the praise of their idol, but now he knew better. He knew that the fans could be just as bad as the haters, dishing out abuse about the way he acted or sang or looked, thinking that he wouldn’t see it even though he always did.

Harry stared at himself in the bathroom mirror, counting the spots on his forehead and pulling at the heavy bags under his eyes. He looked awful.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had gotten a good night’s sleep or the last time he hadn’t been shaken awake just as a dream began to cradle him. What made it worse was that the other boys seemed to be coping with it all better, like they were more suited to the fast-paced celebrity lifestyle than he was.

Especially Louis.

He was always full of beans, bouncing around and cracking jokes like he didn’t have a care in the world, making Harry feel simultaneously better and worse.

He wondered how Louis managed it and it made him feel useless and stupidly jealous, but other times he just sat and watched, letting himself get lost in Louis’ smile and the way his nimble fingers would tickle him until he couldn’t remember why he was feeling down in the first place.

He thought of how Louis was right now, running around the rehearsal room even though they were meant to be preparing for a show, and gripped the sink tightly.

Why couldn’t he be like that?

Sure, Harry could run, but he wasn’t sure he would stop once he started.

He shook himself suddenly, his heart racing at what his own inner monologue had just implied.

Did he really mean that? Would he really want to leave it all behind?

There was no way he could escape it all completely…

He shook himself harder and a little too vigorously so he ended up knocking a glass tumbler to the floor where it shattered.

That didn’t help.

He stared down at the broken glass and its sharp edges, glinting in the light.

His fingers turned cold, thoughts running through his mind that terrified and soothed him at the same time.

He felt out of his body as he bent down to pick up a shard, feeling the corners of it digging into his palm already.

It was heavy in his hand, bearing the weight of his worries and fears of just not being _enough_.

‘Harry?’

A voice on the other side of the door jerked him away and he let the glass clatter to the floor. The door handle rattled and he reached out shakily to twist the lock.

Louis burst through immediately, concerned and slightly flushed. His pretty face lit up in a bright smile as soon as he saw him standing there, but it fell again when he saw the mess on the floor.

‘You clumsy sod, Harry,’ he said playfully.

Harry shrugged his shoulders pathetically, unsure of how to act after what he had just been contemplating.

Louis tilted his head to the side and eyed him curiously for a minute.

‘You’re a funny one,’ he said eventually. ‘Come on, me and Zayn made up a new dance.’

Harry let himself be pulled from the bathroom, focusing on the warmth of Louis’ fingers curled around his wrist.  
-  
The third time was by far the one that truly anchored Harry.

They were on a break back home, but it didn’t feel like a break with the way the fans still mobbed him right outside his own house. He constantly felt crowded and ended up spending all of his time locked in his bedroom. He couldn’t bear the looks on his family’s faces as they complained about it, knowing that he was the one who brought it on. If he wasn’t here then his mum wouldn’t be so stressed and his sister wouldn’t be sneaking out the back door just to get a minute’s peace.

He hated himself for doing this to the ones he loved most and the constant pressure to please them as well as the fans was suffocating him. He just wanted to feel free again, to be able to walk to the shop without a pack of fangirls chasing him down the street and screaming his name so loud his ears rang when he lay on his bed at night. He wanted a break that actually was a break for once, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to get one.

It was a week into his break when he decided to check his mentions on Twitter. It was always a gamble, not knowing which way the ratio of love and hate would be swinging until he actually looked. Today wasn’t a good day.

He thumbed the scroll pad as tweet after tweet about how Harry didn’t care about his fans anymore flashed before his eyes, how he ignored them even when they were standing right next to him and how he didn’t deserve to be in the band. They were speckled with tweets that supported him in his right to relax, but he couldn’t see them through the ones that told him he was better off disappearing.

He hated that he wanted to disappear as well.

He tried to think of the good things in his life, the success, the friends, the family, but all he could feel was disappointment in himself for still drowning beneath it all. One face kept swimming to the front of his vision though, the one who had already pulled him to the surface so many times, but Louis wasn’t here right now and that was enough for Harry to lock himself in his bathroom.

He sat down on the closed toilet seat, his phone still clutched in his hand with the slander glaring at him, and he reached for the razor that sat on the sink. It would be so easy to just smash it under his foot and pull out one of the blades so he could rest for what felt like the first time in an age. It would be so easy to just remove himself from the life that continuously pressed in on him from all sides, squeezing the energy from him until he could barely stand on his own two legs. It would be so easy if it weren’t for—

His phone buzzed in his hand and he jumped in surprise, letting the razor clatter to the floor.

**Hey curly :) haven’t heard from you in a while :( hope you haven’t forgot about me haha. You alright mate? x**

Of course it was Louis.

_As if you’d ever let me forget you. I’m okay x_

His phone buzzed no less than a minute later and he found himself smiling until he read what it said.

**You sure? Just been on twitter xx**

Harry bit his lip before tapping out a brief reply. He didn’t want the discussion to turn that way.

_I’m used to it. It’s fine x_

He sighed and leant forward until his forehead rested on the cool porcelain of the sink. Sometimes he wished Louis never worried about him. It made his insides twist guiltily, adding to all the other things that fell on his shoulders.

**Ok but remember you’re better than them Hazza. Now do me a favour and ask what I’m doing ;) xx**

Harry obliged immediately, glad that his hands were occupied so they wouldn’t pick up the discarded item on the tiles.

_What are you doing? xx_

Louis responded so quickly that Harry wondered if he had even waited for the question before sending it.

**Breaking the law ;) xx**

Harry furrowed his eyebrows and sat up straight again.

_Dealing drugs? xx_

Once he pressed send he decided to move back to the comfort of his own room again, or his cave as he had come to call it since being back. He left the razor on the bathroom floor.

**Nope. Driving and texting at the same time ;) xx**

Harry’s concern immediately piqued for Louis’ safety and he texted him back hurriedly, not bothering to correct his mistakes.

_For fucks sake Loiu! Put thge fucking phomne down and waatchthe road1!_

**Calm down Curly ;) these country roads aren’t busy this time of night… xx**

Harry sat down heavily on his bed, getting more confused by the minute.

_What country roads? xx_

**The cute ones you find in certain Cheshire villages… xx**

Harry’s heart thumped in his chest, but he daren’t let himself smile just yet.

_Where you going then? xx_

He had to wait a few minutes longer before he got his next reply and he started to panic about narrow winding lanes and lorries, but as soon as his phone lit up he was on his feet like a shot.

**Don’t you think you should lock the back door with all those crazy girls out the front of your house? xx**

Harry would have felt like he was in a horror film if it weren’t for the warm bubbly feeling in his stomach.

_Maybe you shouldn’t break into my house xx_

‘It’s not exactly breaking in if your mum hugs me as soon as I set foot in the kitchen.’

Harry whipped around to see Louis leaning in his doorway, wearing _his_ coat and carrying a duffel bag that made him feel hopeful. He could feel the smile stretching his lips and bunching his cheeks, but neither of them made any move closer to the other. They stared at each other, grinning, for what felt like an hour but was probably only a few seconds.

‘My mum hugged you?’ he eventually asked.

Louis gave a weird kind of grimace, not the usual smirk that Harry associated with comments about his mother, and he got an uneasy feeling.

‘She said you’ve been avoiding everyone,’ Louis said seriously.

Harry nodded robotically and his stomach sank a little.

‘Did she tell you to come here then?’ he asked in a small voice.

Louis sighed and walked further into the room, dropping his bag and shutting the door behind him.

‘I’m here because I hadn’t heard from you in nearly a week, Harry.’

Harry shrugged. ‘So? You could’ve just texted me. Which you did.’

‘I didn’t want to just text you though,’ he said simply, dropping himself down onto Harry’s bed and motioning for him to do the same.

As soon as Harry was sat beside him, Louis pulled him close with both arms wrapped around his chest. Harry could do nothing more than press his face into the crook of Louis’ neck and breathe in the comfort that he knew he needed.

‘Talk to me, Harry,’ he whispered. _‘Please.’_

Harry could tell him so many things. He could tell him how the first time he had really relaxed in months was right at that very moment, melted into Louis. He could tell him about the nightmares he had where the crowds of fans got closer and closer until they were piling on top of him so he couldn’t breathe. He could tell him what he was scared he would do in that bathroom if Louis hadn’t have texted him. He could tell him everything, but he didn’t have the strength to. He only had the strength for one word.

_‘Stay.’_  
-  
Harry sits back in his chair, the memory of Louis’ arms that night bringing a smile to his face. Each of those three times made him feel safe at night, pulling him through the next day until all he had to do was look at Louis to feel secure within himself.

It didn’t even matter that Louis had no idea, because he knew that one day he would have the courage to tell him and that it wouldn’t hurt when he did. He could still feel the soft press of Louis’ lips to his temple, his cheek and his jaw, too tender and loving to brush aside as being purely platonic.

Harry knows that it’ll be okay, because Louis will always save him.  
-  
Louis catches Harry smiling at him from across the room, his own lips curving upward when he blushes and turns away. He keeps watching for a while, his eyes staying on Harry until the flush fades from his neckline and disappears beneath the collar of his thin white t-shirt. He sighs contentedly as he gives him a fond once-over, each corner and curve of his body already imprinted on his memory more intimately than it should be.

Louis wonders if he’ll ever tell Harry about the time he saved his life.


End file.
